The Past

I don't like it when the negative things in my past creep up on me. I have spent a good portion of the past six years working through many of the issues I have had because of my past, and I feel that now is a good time to SLAM that door shut, don't look back and look forward to the bright future I have ahead of me! I am stronger because of the difficulties that I endured, and that is why looking toward the future isn't as scary as it use to be. I KNOW that I can handle ANYTHING that life throws at me!
So, for those of you still clinging to your past, however good or bad it may have been. There is still a lot of life to live! Please have the courage, when you feel the time is right to SLAM the door and face the future that is ahead of you! Also, don't forget to enjoy the little , or big things in your present situation that put a smile on your face :-)

Sick Day and still smiling

There is so much going on in my brain I am not sure where to start. I am very much sleep deprived, trying to help both of the boys sleep through the night. I went as far as putting the play pen back up in my bedroom for the 16month old, who fell asleep almost instantly after I put the heaviest blanket I could find in the play pen with him :-)  woke up 2 hours later and babbled until 1a.m.
The 3year old went down a little easier, with the occasional head banging against the wall and falling out of bed (still not sure if he is having seizures when that happens)

Not sure what is going on with me. My legs and arms were numb, my head is in a fog and when I try to walk, I get really dizzy and fall down. Not very good when you have two VERY active boys to look after! The feeling did come back to my limbs, but I was in a lot of pain afterwards.

Even though everyone is feeling a little crummy today... Some of us more than others. The little ones and I still try to make each other smile at the very least!!!

Why I write!

I needed an outlet, and I love to write, so a friend suggested that I start blogging.... She brain stormed with me, and she set it up as a Christmas present for me! Leslee, I just want to say thank you again for helping me find the best outlet for me and my life!!

I am not writing to tell people about my life as a Special Needs parent, although I will write about it when I feel the need to. I am also writing for someone, who may need to hear my words, to better their own life in one way or another.

I write what I feel, and it doesn't always pertain to me and my life. I write because I feel like someone needs to hear my words, and I pray that I can help those who read my blog.

Will Someone Love Me?

I am always there, but hardly ever noticed.
I may act naughty, uncontrollable and mean,
It's the only time I get attention,
Where the focus is on me.

I am passed around like hand me down clothes
Because I no longer fit.
I feel all alone, doesn't anyone see that?
When will someone want me?
Will someone love me?

Dear child I am here for you.
I want you, and always will.
When you test the waters, and act out,
I will be there to take you in my arms, and weather the storm.
Your place is here with me,
I will love you unconditionally!

Randomness

This entry is going to be a bunch of my random thoughts and full of things that I find amusing!
If you know me personally, you would know that I am very scatter brained, and probably always will be. I honestly think it is getting worse, since I have had my boys. I feel the reason behind it is that I
have so much on my mind that a new thought pops into my mind before I can get the first thought out. No one knows this about me better than my husband.

So, I find it very entertaining to watch my 3 year old watch his favorite movies. This is when he is his most vocal and I LOVE it! He doesn't speak the words,but he attempts to make the sounds of the words, and he copies the actions of the characters.

My husband and I can have a conversation only consisting of movie quotes and it makes  perfect sense to us, but to those around us, we are speaking gibberish.

I promise to write about each of my boys special needs in other entries.

If I had a choice between laughing in the midst of trials or crying about it, I would laugh! Although I have spent a lot of time crying and wallowing in self pity. (Hey, I'm human)

Never stick a rubber spatula in a blender while it is running!

Bathroom cleaners always should be used in a well ventilated area, especially cleaning up mildew.... If it was "well ventilated" there wouldn't be mildew!

It's always fun to be mistaken as your children's babysitter instead of their mother. I think that I will use it to my advantage one of these days.

ERRANDS

The day after Christmas is starting to be one of my favorite days. I am not a Scrooge by any means, but as a mother of children who thrive on strict routines, it is nice to feel like everything is going back to normal.
As my husband and I were running errands this morning, I was reminded of why I no longer enjoy the "shopping" experience. With the 3 year old dealing with nonverbal autism and his brother having similar sensory processing issues, going to a store is not the experience that I think anyone who is involved would enjoy.
To get an idea of what someone with sensory processing issues has to deal with, imagine if you had REALLY good hearing and could hear everything around you, including the humming of lights. Now amplify the volume a little with all the sounds at once and I am pretty sure you would be annoyed with that kind of noise 24/7.
That is one reason why I try to limit the amount of shopping I do with my little ones.
So sad to say our errands were not that successful or enjoyable this morning. The 16 month old was hitting his head over and over again onto the the front of the grocery cart, while the 3 year old was slamming his sippy cup into the side of his head. The husband and I opted to have one of us run into the other stores we had to go to while the other sat in the car with the boys!
After all the running around, we figured that it was time for everyone to have a feel good snack. Wendy's to the rescue!! With the 3 year old and 16 month old grinning from ear to ear and talking gibberish, I was smiling too!

Feeling crazy and blessed!

I am so excited to be able to share my thoughts in this blog. Everyone has crazy moments in life, and I definitely have had my fair share of craziness!
I am a wife and mother of a very loving and understanding husband and two rambunctious boys, who both have special needs and keep me running around like a chicken with its head cut off! Not a pretty sight but best description of how I usually feel.
Today is Christmas day and my family and I have been very blessed this season with very kind and thoughtful individuals who have helped my husband and I give our sons a nice Christmas because of our financial situation. It is a struggle, but it is going to get better, so I am not that concerned.
The boys have had an unforgettable Christmas this year and I am grateful to those who have made it possible!