Self improvement

There have been many years where I have felt very lost and confused about where my life was heading. I let life just happen (or at least that is what I thought was happening). I didn't know, or see that I was being quietly guided to the life that I have now.
Looking back, I realize that all the little choices I made, not thinking that it would make any difference in my life, actually played a bigger part for me than I thought. There are still a lot of questions that I know I won't get the answers to until later in this life or the life to come...hopefully. I like having a game plan before jumping, because of previous experience of leaping before I look.
My life is not bad by any means, in fact I would say that I am very blessed. I just couldn't see the blessings for a long time!
I need to work on having faith in things I don't understand....

Randomness #2

When I was little.... Or younger, I couldn't wait to grow up! Now that I am an adult, I wish I was still a kid and have my parents take care of me!

I wanted to be more organized, so I have 2 planners and 3 calendars!

My favorite area of the apartment to clean is the bathroom. I don't know why, it just is.

"Hey, you wouldn't hit a woman!? ....That's a woman?!"

J.R.R. TOLKIEN was a pretty awesome man. He was so detail oriented in his writing that even the littlest detail wasn't missed, and the fact that he CREATED his own language is amazing!!

"I can't be discreet about that. The minute I say that I am selling roses and wild thyme under the counter, it'd be all over the store."

Being surrounded by nature is when I feel the most at peace.

Neurofibromatosis Type 1, nonverbal Autism and Everything Else

Okay, for those of you who have been waiting for me to talk about my little neurologically challenged family... Here it is:

Husband and I: My husband has Nuerofibromatosis Type 1, which was passed on to our youngest son because it is a genetic disorder that causes multiple, noncancerous tumors to grow on nerves anywhere in the body (brain and spinal cord included). It can also cause other issues such as, learning disabilities, bone abnormalities, heart and kidney problems, Optic Glioma, Scoliosis, headache and other pain, and High blood pressure. Unfortunately, there is no cure for this condition. There are however, ways to manage the condition.
I have Hemiplegia , which is a form of Cerebral palsy. It means paralysis of one side of the body. In my case, the right side of my body is affected. I had a stroke when I was born because the umbilical cord was short and wrapped twice around my neck . My heart was barley beating.
Complications associated with Hemiplegia: motor skill disturbance, changes in muscle tone,
Pain associated with brain injury and localized pain in the affected limbs, and learning disabilities like aphasia.
3 year old:  Nonverbal Autism, (he babbles a lot but does not speak more than a word or two at random). Anxiety and ADHD....need I say more?
17 month old: Nuerofibromatosis Type 1, Hemiplegia (left side of his body), Dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) which we remedy by thickening all of the liquids he drinks. He also has an occasional seizure, they are not frequent enough to put him on medication (which I am grateful for because of the nasty side effects associated with the medication).  On top of these conditions, he has chronic acid reflux and we are trying to figure out everything that he's allergic to.
I smile because I can't change our situation, but I can change my attitude!
If anyone would like further explanation of anything in this blog, please comment.

Good enough for you?

There are many days when I don't feel like I am good enough. I'm not a good enough wife for my husband, not good enough to raise my sons, not good enough for anything really.
Many remind me that I am enough for those that I love and care for. That my boy(s) are lucky to have such a caring wife/mother in their lives.
Sometimes I catch myself asking why couldn't my sons not have special needs, and why can't I have the number of children my husband and I wanted to have?
I get a wake up call when I look into my boys eyes and their soul's say this: "I need all the love you can give. Am I good enough for you?"
My family is a constant reminder of how blessed I am, and I have learned some of the most humbling lessons in my life from my 3 amazing boys!